did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
