haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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