Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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