How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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