If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
