oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
