Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
