I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
