i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
