My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
