You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
