Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
