i think i have two assholes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
