I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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