I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
