Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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