I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
