If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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