so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
