You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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