Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
