Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
