God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
