please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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