I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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