The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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