are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
