i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
