when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
