if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
