I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
