Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
