He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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