Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
