I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
