I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
