i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
