No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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