I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
