I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's like iHOP with fire
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
