I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
