My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
