I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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