I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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