just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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