Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
