ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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