So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
