there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
