How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
