Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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