So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
