mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
