Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
